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2/23/92 — Our NICU Journey Day 99

February 23, 2011

Isaac — 1122 grams

Molly — 1475 grams

This is Kenn giving Ike a bottle. We were finally able to hold and interact with both babies now on a more consistent basis, although this was before Kangaroo Care (or skin to skin contact) had become a regular part of NICU protocol. We were just so happy to be able to hold them and touch them. It was getting a little less scary every day.


Today you are 13 weeks old. You took 11 ccs from Jill for your first good bottle feeding. Then, at noon, you breastfed for about 15 minutes. You did very well. You sucked really hard and you saturated great. I felt very warm and close to you. You made me feel like I kind of know what I’m doing, like I might become a real mom after all.


Daddy sat down with a bottle to feed you this afternoon. Lynn decided to do a nipple trial. She lined up all the different kinds of nipples and, after all was said and done, you still like the blue preemie nipple best. I tried to breastfeed you this afternoon (this morning, really), but you really weren’t interested at all. You seemed pretty sleepy.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. February 23, 2011 4:18 am

    It makes me so sad reading this to see that you didn’t feel like a ‘real mom’ during this time. Heartbreaking. I hope that looking back on it 19 years later, that you have a different perspective.

    • February 23, 2011 10:41 am

      I do have a different perspective now, and I felt bonded to them, but helpless to provide the care they needed. The NICU is a strange place to begin your parenting experience, when the primary help you babies need is medical. I did what I could. I pumped. I was there every day. And mostly I loved them. Sometimes, even now, with all my children I have to give myself a little lecture: “Shape up. You’re the mom.”


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