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2/28/92 — Our NICU Journey Day 104

February 28, 2011

Isaac — 1259 grams

Molly — 1602 grams (3.5 pound mark)

Molly (l) and Isaac usually loved visiting with each other, but this picture reflects how I was feeling this day — my due date, the day they were supposed to be born — sad and miserable. Had I gone to term, they would have been much bigger than they actually were on this date. Pounds bigger. So this was a very hard day for me and yet another day that I had to leave them in the hospital.

Isaac

Happy birthday! This should be your birthday, anyway. I wish it could take you home with me. I wish things had gone the way they were supposed to go. I wish so many things for you. The good news is that the OT (occupational therapist) says you are right on target. You and Molly were both sitting together in the bouncy seat. You looked so cute together. She was checking you out, but you were ignoring her.

Molly

Dear Molly, today is the day you were supposed to be born. I have been running around all day, doing work and errands and all I keep thinking is — I’m not supposed to be doing this today. I’m supposed to be having babies. Your life would be so much better (safer, calmer, less painful) if you had been born today, February 28, instead of November 17. I’m so sorry. I wish I could have made your start in life a little better, a little easier. I feel like I’ll never be able to make all this up to you. I feel sad that this day is being filled with everyday things and just another visit to the hospital, instead of being filled the joy of bringing a happy healthy you into the world. The occupational therapist says you probably won’t even need follow-up care. You are exactly where you are supposed to be.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Lori Prang permalink
    February 28, 2011 9:45 am

    Susan, I feel your heartbreak even after 19 years! A purpose or reason to your journey…we’ll never know. Maybe to provide your story to future mothers of premies? I can’t wait to read the post of when they come home.

    • February 28, 2011 9:53 am

      Lori, I don’t know about purpose or meaning. Reading some of the heartbreaking comments from parents who were not as lucky as we were, I think it would be presumptuous of me to assume there is any reason or meaning for our journey. If people have found meaning or strength from reading about our journey, then I am profoundly grateful. And grateful for friends like you. Without our preemies, we would never have met.

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